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Typist
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
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Ugly Faces
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
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Ushers
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
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Washing the Dog!
Washing The Dog
A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the local grocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent.
The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog!"
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said sadly.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog!"
"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."
"Oh? What was it then?"
"I think it was the spin cycle!"
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What kind of bunny.....
What kind of bunny drinks coffee?
Mugs bunny!
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What's the difference...
Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train??
A: A teacher says "spit out that gum" and a train says "choo choo choo!"
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Why did the...
Q. Why did the male sheep fall off the cliff?
A. He didn't see the Ewe turn!
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Wisdom
A FIRST GRADE TEACHER collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.
As you shall make your bed so shall you...............mess it up.
Better be safe than...........................punch a 5th grader.
Strike while the ...................................bug is close.
It's always darkest before.................daylight savings time.
You can lead a horse to water but............................how?
Don't bite the hand that.............................looks dirty.
A miss is as good as a........................................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new..............................math.
If you lie down with the dogs, you'll.......stink in the morning.
The pen is mightier than the................................pigs.
An idle mind is............................the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke, there's...........................pollution.
Happy the bride who........................gets all the presents.
A penny saved is........................................not much.
Two's company, three's............................the musketeers.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and....you have to blow your nose.
Children should be seen and not..............spanked or grounded.
When the blind leadeth the blind..............get out of the way.
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