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Three Little Pigs
Little Jimmy's father always used to tell him bedtime stories. Being the quick-witted fellow that he was, he always embelished on them adding little jokes here and there.
One day in Little Jimmy's kindergarten class, his teacher was telling them the strory of the three little pigs. Jimmy knew this story because his father always told him this before he went to bed. They were at the part when the first pig needed to build his house.
"Then," the teacher said, "the first little pig needed straw to build his house. Along the road he saw a farmer carrying a bail of straw. So the little pig walked up to the farmer and asked him if he could borrow his straw to build a house. Then class, do you know what the farmer said?"
Little Jimmy immedeatly raised his hand, knowing the answer.
"Yes Jimmy," replied the teacher.
"WOW!! A TALKING PIG!!!"
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W..O..M..B..
Four farmers were seated at the bar in a tavern. At the table next to them sat a young girl.
The first man said, "I think it's WOOMB."
The second replied, "No, it must be WOOOOMBH."
The third said, "You both have it wrong -- it's WOOM."
The fourth stated, "No, it has to be WOOMMMMBBB."
At this, the young lady could stand it no longer. She got up, walked over to the farmers and said, "Look, you hayseeds, it's WOMB. That's it, that's all there is to it." Then she left.
Eventually, one of the farmers broke the silence by saying, "Well, I don't know. A slip of a girl like that, I don't see how she could know. I'll bet she's never even heard an elephant fart!"
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Why New Yorkers Are Not Ranchers
A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends came to visit and asked if the ranch had a name.
"Well," said the would-be-cattleman. "I wanted to call it the Bar-J. My wife favored the Suzy-Q. One son liked the Flying-W, and the other son wanted the Lazy-Y. So, we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y."
"But where are all your cattle?"
"So far, none have survived the branding."
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