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Y2K Ballad
(sing to the tune of "Gilligan's Island")
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
Of the doom that is our fate.
That started when programmers used
Two digits for a date
Two digits for a date
RAM memory was smaller then;
Hard drives were tiny, too.
"Four digits are extravagant,
So let's get by with two.
So let's get by with two."
"This works through 1999,"
The programmers did say.
"Unless we write new code by then
The data goes away.
The data goes away."
But management had not a clue;
"It works fine now, you bet!
Rewriting code cost money,
We won't do it just yet.
We won't do it just yet."
Now when 2000 rolls around
It all goes straight to hell,
For zero less then ninety-nine,
As anyone can tell.
As anyone can tell.
The mail won't bring your pension check;
It won't be sent to you
When you're no longer sixty-eight
But minus thirty-two.
But minus thirty-two.
The problems we're about to face
Are frightening, for sure.
And reading every line of code's
The only certain cure.
The only certain cure.
[[ key change, the big finish coming]]
There's not much time, there's too much code,
And COBOL-coders, few.
When the century is finished,
We may be finished, too.
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 5 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Y2K Problem Solved
The Office of Institutional Computing has defined a lower cost alternative for Desktop conversions that also addresses the Year 2000 issue: The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by Jan, 1999.
Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this: Y2K problems No technical glitches, keeping work from being done. No more wasted time reading and writing emails. Substantial hardware cost savings.
Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:
My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. What do I do?
Pick it up and shake it
How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
Pick it up and shake it
What's the short cut for Undo?
Pick it up and shake it
How do I create a New Document window?
Pick it up and shake it
How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour?
Pick it up and shake it
What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
Pick it up and shake it
How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
Pick it up and shake it
How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
Don't shake it.
(Added: Wed Jan 29 2003 Hits: 4 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Y2K Status Report
"Our staff has completed the 3 years of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system.
We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect the following new standards:
Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December
and...:
Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak
I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00?
We'll await your direction."
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 4 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Y2K Status Report...
Y2K Status Report...
''Our staff has completed the 3 years of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system.
We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to report that we have completed the ''Y-to-K'' date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect the following new standards:
Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December
and...:
Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak
I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y to K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00?
We'll await your direction.''
(Added: Thu Dec 12 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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You Know You're a Programmer
You Know You're a Programmer When ...
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When you are counting objects, you go ''0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...''.
When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
When your wife says ''If you don't turn off that damn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!'', and you chastise her for for omitting the ''else'' clause.
You try to s sleep(8 * 3600);
When you are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page..
When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number...
When you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want.
When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
When you look for a icon to double-click to open your bedroom window.
When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
When you look for a trash can icon for throwing garbage.
(Added: Thu Dec 12 2002 Hits: 4 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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You Know You're a Programmer When ...
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
When you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
When your wife says "If you don't turn off that damn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the "else" clause.
You try to s sleep(8 * 3600);
When you are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page..
When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialling an IP number...
When you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want.
When not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your {network address} faster than your postal one.
When you look for a icon to double-click to open your bedroom window.
When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
When you look for a trash can icon for throwing garbage.
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 4 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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YOUR MAMMA IS SO FAT ...
YOUR MAMMA IS SO FAT THAT SHE HAS TO GET HER NAILS PAINTED IN EARL SHINE!!!!!!
(Added: Thu Dec 12 2002 Hits: 3 Rating: 3.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
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