-
Harry Butt
There was once was a blonde woman who had just bought a house.
She called it Harrybutt.
She had a child and named in Crack.
She lost Crack and couldn't find him.
So she called the police and said, " I looked all over my Harrybutt and couldn't find my crack!"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 7 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
Review It -
Horse Back Riding
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when....................................
Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 6 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
Review It -
HOW BLONDE WAS SHE?
She was soooo blonde... she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. she sold the car for gas money. she studied for a blood test and failed. she thought a quarterback was a refund. she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center. she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats. she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train. she thought Taco Bell was where you pay your phone bill. she told
me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK". she tried to alphabetize M&M's. she tried to drown a fish. she wrote "Capricorn" on the application where it said, "sign here".
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 2.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
Review It -
I'm Winning!
A blonde was standing in front of a coke machine she put in 50 cents and a coke came out. She set it on top of the coke machine. Put in 50 mor cents pushed the button and another coke came out.
She kept doing this untill a guy standing behind her said, " Excuse me, can I get my coke and then you can go back to what ever you are doing?"
The blonde turns around and says, " Like duh not when I am winning!! "
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 5 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
Review It -
Ice Fishing
A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday and decided to go ice fishing. So early the next morning she got all her gear and headed out.
When she reached her destination she cut a hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There's no fish in there".
So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish there.
So she moves again and the voice tells her there are no fish there. So she looks up and see's a man looking down at her.
"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.
So the man cooly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink and you're going to have to pay for those holes."
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 6 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
Review It -
Icecubes
Q: Why can't blondes make icecubes?
A: They can never remember the recipe.
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
Review It -
Instructions
A man sees a blonde woman at the beach one day sporting a walkman and headphones, but thinks nothing of it.
The next day, he sees the same blonde woman at the grocery store, still with the walkman and headphones on. A little suprised, he goes on with his shopping.
The next day was Sunday, and the man headed off to church. The man arrived at the church and found a seat just as the preacher was beginning the sermon. Halfway through the sermon, the man looked over, and to his surprise, saw the same blonde woman. Even more shocking, she was STILL wearing the headphones! The man was so curious as to why she was wearing the headphones, he jumped up, ran over to the woman, and ripped the headphones off her head. She
immediately fell to the ground, clutching her throat. The man, horrified, picked up the headphones to see what was playing in them. To his amasement, the same thing was playing over and over again:
'Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out...'
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
Review It -
Jamaica
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica".
The stewardess gets the Head Stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she again responds "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica".
The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the co-pilot.
The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section.
The head stewardess asks the co-pilot what he said to get her to move. The co-pilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica".
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 6 Rating: 2.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
Review It -
Jigsaw Puzzle
Two young blonde women are sitting at a bar in such an obviously celebratory mood that the bartender drifts over intending to offer them a drink on the house.
When he gets close he hears one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!"
Smiling, the bartender says, "Congratulations! What's so special about 17 days?"
Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said 3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
Review It -
Just the Fax
Q: How do you know that a blonde sent you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
Review It -
Kick Blonde Ass
There was a blonde in the middle of a wheat field, in a row boat, rowing. When another blonde, stops her car on the side of the road, gets out and starts yelling, "You are the type of blonde that gives the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim, I would swim out there and kick your ass!"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
Review It -
Line Painter
A blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with Public Works. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed.
The blonde agreed to the conditions and started right away. The supervisor checked up at the end of the day and found that she had completed four miles on her first day, double the average!
"Great," he told her, "I think you're really going to work out."
The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only accomplished two miles. The supervisor thought, "Well she's still at the average and I don't want to discourage her, so I'll just keep quiet."
The third day however the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought, "I need to talk to her before this gets any worse." The boss talked the new employee and said, "You were doing so great. The first day you did four miles, the second day two miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure? What's keeping you from meeting the two mile minimum?"
The blonde replied, "Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther away from the paint bucket."
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 5 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
Review It -
London Seats
Q: How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London?
A: Tell her all the seats that are going to London are in the middle row.
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 8 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
Review It -
M&M Factory
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the Ws.
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 3.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
Review It -
Magic Mirror
Behind the seven seas and seven mountains, there's a castle. And in that castle there's a magic mirror. If you lie to that mirror, it will eat you.
A black-haired girl came and said: "I think I'm the prettiest!" Zap! The mirror ate her.
A brunnette came: "I think I'm the prettiest!" Zap! The mirror ate her too.
A blonde came and said: "I think..." Zap! The mirror ate her.
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
Review It -
magic mirror
A blonde,brunette and a redhead all step up to a mysterious magig mirror. A sign beside it says: If you lie while looking in this mirror you will dissapear. The brunette appraches the mirror and says: "I think i'm the smartest girl in the world" and she dissapeared. The redhead approaches the mirror and says:" I think I'm the hottest girl in the world." and she dissapeared. Then the blonde appraches the mirror and says: " I think, and she dissapeared
(Added: Fri Jan 31 2003 Hits: 5 Rating: 4.38 Votes: 8) Rate It
Review It -
Maxipads
A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building.
He suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks, "Why the hell did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?"
The blond answers in a very weak voice, "We wanted to try out our new maxi-pads, with wings..."
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
Review It -
More Blonde Answers
What's a blonde's mating call?
I think I'm drunk.
Why was the blonde looking in the refrigerator?
Because The orange juice said concentrate
What do you call 2 blondes in the front seat of a car?
Duel air bags!
How did the blonde rob the drive-up window at the bank?
She put her gun in the little basket along with a note that said "This is a stick-up"
How many blondes does it take to make popcorn?
Four. One to hold the pan, and three to shake the stove
Why did the blonde jump over the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
What do you call a beautiful blond Mensa member?
Foxymoron.
What goes Vroom-Screech Vroom-Schreech?
A blond at a flashing red light
What does a blonde and a turtle have in common?
Once you get them on their back they're screwed.....
What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell she's got a grenade in her mouth.
What's the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
I know how many men went down on the Titanic
What's the first thing a blonde says after sex?
Was it good for me?
What's the first thing a Blonde says the morning after sex?
Are you guys all on the same team?
What the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
You don't let your friends borrow your toothbrush.
What do you call a blonde who's found dead in a closet?
The 1989 Hide and Seek Champion.
How do you get a blonde to go on the roof?
tell her the drinks are on the house
Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
cause red means stop
what does the blonde do when she sees her reflection in a mirror?
starts a conversation!
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 3.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
Review It -
Nails & Blondes
Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either tossit over her shoulder or nail it in. The other blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
The first blonde explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed TOWARD me I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the HOUSE,
then I nail it in!"
The second blonde got completely pissed off and yelled, "You MORON! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the OTHER side of the house!"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
Review It -
New inventions by blondes.
The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chairs
Water proof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alchohol
Reusable ice cubes
See through tiolet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap
Helicopter ejector seat
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 7 Rating: 7.50 Votes: 2) Rate It
Review It -
Nuclear Fission
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: I just love nuclear fission. What kind of bait do you use??
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
Review It -
Painting Blonde
One day, a blonde wife, roughly 25, wanted to prove to her husband that not all blondes were dumb. So she decided she was going to paint the house while he was at work. When her husband got home,he noticed that she was digging through the closet,looking for something.
When he asked her what she was doing, she said,"the paint can said,for best results,to use two coats."
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 5 Rating: 1.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
Review It -
Pasteurized
A milkman was making his deliveries and found a note attached to a customers door saying "I need 45 gallons of milk. " He knocked on the door and a beautiful dumb blond answered it.
"Is this a mistake?" the milkman asked.
"No," she said, "I was watching a talk show and it said that bathing in milk is a good aphrodisiac."
"Really," replied the milkman. "Do you want that pasteurized?"
"No, up to my breasts would be fine," she said.
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
Review It -
Paternity Trial
At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked, "On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as 'Lover's Lane' did the defendant have sexual relations with you?"
"Yes," whispered the girl, her head bowed.
"And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax?" the lawyer continued.
"Oh no," she replied, "I'm pretty sure he had one of them real fancy Mazdas."
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
Review It -
Pizza
One day after work, the blonde walked into a pizza parlor and ordered a small personal pizza. When it was ready, the waiter asked if she wanted it cut into four pieces or eight.
"Better make it four," she said. "I'd never be able to eat eight."
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
Review It
|
