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Car for Sale
A blonde tried to sell her old car. But she was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.
The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"
"No," replied the blonde," why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 5 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 3) Rate It
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Car Horn
One day, a blonde and a brunette were out for a ride in the blonde's new car. Suddenly, some jerk pulls in front of them. The blonde then puts her lips on the steering wheel.
The brunette feared for her life, but had the courage to ask, "What are you doing?!"
The blonde calmly replied, "I'm trying to blow the horn."
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 4 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 3) Rate It
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Celebration
There are a bunch of blondes in a bar and they are having a good time. One of the blondes suddenly shouts out "Drinks on me!!" Surprised, the bartender asks "What is the occasion?" The blonde replies, "We completed a puzzle in four weeks and is says on the box '5-6 years.'"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 6.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
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Comfortable
A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull.
"It's the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it."
She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer."
The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $. 75 per word."
She thinks about it for a moment and decides. "I'd like to send one word, please."
"And what word would that be?" inquires the man.
"Comfortable," replies the brunette.
The man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but is your friend gonna understand this telegram?"
The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL."
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 5 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 4) Rate It
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Crazy blonde
How do you make a blonde go crazy?
Place them in a round room, and tell them to stand in the corner!
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 4.33 Votes: 3) Rate It
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Crossing the River
A dumb blonde walking along, lost, encountered a deep and wide river. She looked up and down that river and could not see a way across. She looked to the other side and saw another blonde on the opposite river bank and called out to her.
"How can I get to the other side of the river?"
The other blonde replied"What for you are already on the other side of the river!"
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 3 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
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Death
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss concerned about all his employees well being asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
To which the blonde replies... "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
The boss feeling very sorry at this point explains to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy just take the day off to relax and
rest."
The blonde very calmly states..."No.. I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blond to work as usual... "If you need anything just let me know."
Well... a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde...he looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!!!!!
He rushes out to her asking, "What's so bad now... are you gonna be okay??"
"No..." exclaims the blonde, "I just received a horrible call from my sister and she said that her mom died too!!"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 3.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
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Different Answer
"Excuse me, could you tell me the time?" asked the blonde of a man on the street corner.
"Sure....it's three fifteen,"he replied with a smile.
"Thanks," she said, a puzzled look crossing her face."You know, it's the weirdest thing-I've been asking that question all day long, and each time I get a different answer."
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 2.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
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Don't dye
A blonde dyed her hair black, and thought she looked so great she decided to go for a drive in the country to celebrate. After a bit, she was driving by a sheep ranch and stopped to look at the sheep which she liked very much. She went over the the rancher and said, "If I can tell you how many are in this field right now, will you let me have one?" The rancher said, "If you can count that fast, sure!" The blonde said: "524." The rancher, amazed, told her to take her pick, for that was the exact count. After a few minutes, the blonde came back with her animal. The rancher said, "If I can tell you what color your hair was before you dyed it, could I have my dog back?"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 4 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
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Don't think
Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the ladies room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one wish is granted. However, if one tells a lie--*poof*-- you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
So, a redhead of questionable looks walks into the ladies room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." --*poof*-- The mirror swallows her.
Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive." --*poof*-- The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think. . . ." --*poof*--
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Dumb Blonde Test
Ask the following to a Blonde to see if she is a DUMB BLONDE or a smart blonde...yeah right...
1.Who do want to be most like in life:
A.Vanna White
B.Michelle Fiefer
C.Britney Spears
E.None of the Above
2.In a game of Hide-And-Go Seek, do you:
A.Run when you see the seeker
B.Stay hiding until the seeker finds you
C.Run when the seeker sees you
E.Follow the seeker quietly
3.What happens when you get Alzheimers Disease
A.You loose alot of weight
B.Gain weight
C.Get really smart
D.Loose your memory
4.How do you kill a bird:
A.Hit it
B.Throw it off a building
C.Cook it
D.All of the above
5.What's an important question about pregnancy
A.Is it mine
B.How far along am I
C.Is it a boy or girl
D.What hospital should I go to for delivery
Don't read them this part:
Results:
1.
A=5pts.
B=3pts.
C=2pts.
D=1pt.
2.
A=4
B=5
C=2
D=3
3.
A=4
B=3
C=5
D=1
4.
A=3
B=5
C=4
D=1
5.
A=5
B=1
C=3
D=2
TOTAL:
20 =Official Dumb Blonde; 15-19=Pretty Dumb; 10-14=Not Bad; 9-Smart for a Blonde
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 1.67 Votes: 3) Rate It
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End of the Rope
There were 11 women hanging onto a rope that was hanging down a cliff. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should let go because if they didn’t then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette thought to herself “I’ll let go.”
After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would let go, all of the blondes started clapping.
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 6 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Everybody Scores
Q: What do members of a good basketball team have in common with a roomful of men and a blonde?
A: Everybody scores!
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 3 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Execution
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready!...Aim!! ..."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! ... Aim!!..."
Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! ... Aim!! ..."
...and the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 5 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
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Existanz
A dumb blonde, a smart blonde and Santa Claus are walking down the street and see a twenty dollar bill lying on the sidewalk. Guess who picks it up?
The dumb blonde - The other two don't exist.
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Fellowship of Blondes
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 4.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
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Fire Truck
A blonde calls up the fire department to report a fire at her house. The person on the other end says,'stay calm mam. Now how do we get there?' The blonde replies,'Duhh! Big red truck!'
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Fly Away Model
A beautiful, well-dressed blonde seats herself in the first class cabin on a cross-country flight, and settles herself in for the trip, smiling prettily at admiring passengers seated around her.
Underway, a flight attendant soon approaches the blonde and says, 'Miss, I'm sorry, but I see that your ticket is for coach, and you're seated in first class; I'm afraid you'll have to move.'
The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model.'
Slightly incredulous, the attendant alerts the senior flight attendant.
The senior attendant approaches the blonde and says, politely, 'I'm sorry, Miss, but since your ticket is for coach, you'll have to move back.'
The blonde replies, sweetly, 'I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model' -- and shows no signs of moving.
Frustrated, the senior attendant informs the captain, and he says he'll deal with the problem. He turns over flight control, walks to the rear, and observes the blonde seated comfortably in first class.
Approaching her with a smile, the captain leans over and speaks quietly into the blonde's ear. Almost immediately, the blonde gathers her things, gets up, and moves quickly to the coach compartment.
Amazed, the senior flight attendant asks the captain, 'Captain, I'm impressed ... what did you say to her?'
The captain grinned slyly and said, 'I just told her that the first class cabin doesn't go to New York.'
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Genie & Truck Driver
A truck driver was tooling down the highway one afternoon and heard a "pop." Thinking that perhaps he had blown a tire, he steered the rig onto the shoulder and walked back to check his tires.
He found a bottle laying in the gutter. He picked it up and wiped off the label to see what kind of bottle it was when a very old genie popped out.
The genie said, "Man, I'm too old for this! You get one wish -- not three -- just one."
The driver thought long and hard, and finally said, "It would be really nice for all the bridges to be wide enough that over-sized loads could get through without any trouble."
The genie said, "Do you know how many bridges that would be?! Can't you come up with something simpler?"
The driver replied, "How about if you make all the blondes as smart as brunettes?"
The genie shook his head vigorously and answered, "How wide would you like those bridges?"
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 4 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Gifted
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Gifted!
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Give Shoulders
A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 4 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Glass Eye
A man is eating in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous blonde eating at the next table. He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her.
Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs and snatches it out of the air.
"Oh my goodness, I am sooo sorry," the woman says, as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you."
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to breakfast the next morning. When he arrives the next morning, she has cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!!
"You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No, she replies.........
"You just happened to catch my eye."
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 5 Rating: 4.00 Votes: 4) Rate It
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Hail Storm
A blonde was driving her car one day, when she ran into a hailstorm. The hail stones were very large and made a lot of dents in the roof of her car. After the hail stopped, she went to a gas station and asked the attendant what she could do to get the dents out of her car.
The attendant, being a smart-ass, told her: "Blow real hard into the exhaust pipe, and that should push out the dents."
When the blonde got home, not knowing any better, she did just that. While she was down on her hands and knees with her lips wrapped around her car's tailpipe, huffing and puffing trying to blow the dents out, her roommate-also a blonde-came home.
Her roommate of course asked her what the heck she was doing.
The first blonde told her how the guy at the gas station said this was how she could get the dents out.
The second blonde thought about it for a moment, then said: "Like, uh, you have to roll-up the windows first."
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 5 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
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Handicap Zone
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 4 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Hanger
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 5 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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