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Blonde Construction
Two blonde builders were working on a house. One blonde was on a ladder nailing. She'd reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood.
The other blonde couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"
The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it!"
The second blonde explained, "Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!!"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 3.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
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Blonde Cowboy
One day a blonde was horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started going too fast and bouncing out
of control. The blonde tried with all her might to hang on, but soon was thrown off. With her foot caught in the stirrup, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce on the ground as the horse would not stop or even slow down. Just as the blonde was about to give up hope and was losing consciousness... The K-Mart manager came out and unplugged the horse.
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 3.50 Votes: 2) Rate It
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Blonde History Lesson.
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease.
"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"
"That's easy," he replied. "You ask them a simple question which everyone should be able to answer with no trouble. If they hesitate, that puts you on the right track."
"What sort of question would you ask Doctor?"
"Well, you might ask them..."
"Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them.
Which one?"
The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh -
"You wouldn't happen to have another example would you?"
"I must confess I don't know much about history."
(DOH!)
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 4 Rating: 1.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
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Blonde Interview
A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. 'So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?'
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, 'Ehhhh .. 22!'
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. 'And can you tell us your height, please?'
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, 'Five foot two!'
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. 'And uhh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?'
The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, 'Mandy!'
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, 'Just out of curiosity, Miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?'
'Ohh that!', replies the blonde, 'That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....''
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 4 Rating: 4.33 Votes: 3) Rate It
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Blonde joke
There were three female explorers who decided that they would go explore the African jungle together. One blonde, one brunnette and one redhead.
They were near the middle of the jungle when a rare african tribe surrounded them. The tribe said that the gods have sent them evil things and the explorers shall be poo head destroyed. The tribe was going to shoot them with a bow and arrow in the not head one at a time.
First they were going to shoot at the brunnette. She stepped up and they called 1-2-3 but before they could shoot she yelled TORNADO and everyone ducked and lay down on the ground and the brunnette ran way while they ducked. The tribe got mad and swore but did not go after her.
Then the redneck stepped up and they aimed and yelled 1-2-3.. but before they could shoot she screeched FLOOD and everyone jumped and climbed up the nearest tree. The redhead took advantage and ran away. They got really mad and swore but did not go after her.
They didn't like people yelling fake incidents. Then the blonde stepped up and she thought that yelling a mother nature disaster was a good idea. They yelled 1-2-3 and the blonde yelled FIRE!
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Blonde Joke plus...
Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.
When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver: "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm sorry."
Hearing this, the other blonde leans inside, smiles, and twitters:
"Will it take ME?"
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10 Blonde Science Fair Projects:
10) Are poisonous snakes really venomous?
9) Is lighter fluid flammable?
What hurts more: falling off a building, or a cliff?
7) Are knives sharp?
6) Can sharks hurt a human?
5) What happens if I stick my hand in a piranha aquarium?
4) Can I break my arm hitting it against a wall?
3) Can I go through a brick wall?
2) Can dogs talk?
1) Are blondes really dumb?
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 7 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
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Blonde Jokes
There were 3 blondes who found a jeanie. He granted each of them a wish. The first wished she was 50% smarter - poof she's a BRUNETTE, the second wished she was 25% smarter - poof she's a REDHEAD, the third wished she was 50% dumber - poof she's a BLOND MAN.
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 4 Rating: 1.72 Votes: 22) Rate It
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Blonde Kidnapper
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 5 Rating: 3.50 Votes: 12) Rate It
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Blonde Miracle Diet
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice.
The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day for 30 days.
This, he promised, would help her lose as much as twenty pounds.
The blonde follows the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she'd indeed lost twenty pounds.
She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:
"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 3.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
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Blonde Pilots
A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this." After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said: "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan."
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 3 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
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Blonde Puzzle
John gets a call from his blonde girlfriend, Buffy. "I've got a problem," says Buffy.
"What's the matter?" asks John.
"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?" asks John.
"It's of a big rooster," replies Buffy.
"All right," says John, "I'll come over and have a look."
So he goes over to Buffy's house. Buffy leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table. John looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Buffy and says, "For Pete's sake - put the Cornflakes back in the box."
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 4 Rating: 3.22 Votes: 9) Rate It
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Blonde Swimmer
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race. The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool. The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out. The judge says, "The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde". The blonde says, "I don't want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms."
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 4 Rating: 4.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
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Blonde vacation
a blonde was riding in her car 1 day 2 go 2 disneyland....
she saw a sign that said disney land..left...
so she went back home....
(Added: Fri Jan 31 2003 Hits: 4 Rating: 3.14 Votes: 7) Rate It
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Blondes
One day two blondes were walking down the street when they found a compact. The first blonde picked up the little mirror and looked into it and said to the other blonde, "Hey that person looks really familiar." Puzzled the second blonde looked into to the compact and said, "Silly, that's me!"
(Added: Fri Jan 31 2003 Hits: 9 Rating: 3.00 Votes: 9) Rate It
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Blondes on an Island
There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired woman.The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 4 Rating: 2.75 Votes: 4) Rate It
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Boating
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, a blonde, new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22 ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath the boat. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 5 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
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Brains
Last night I went home to my blonde girlfriend, and told her I was going to screw her brains out.
Then I realized I was too late.
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
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Breath Tester
One sunny day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a red Mitsubishi 3000GT for speeding. He walked up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. Immediately, he was stunned by just how beautiful she was! Probably the most beautiful blonde he'd ever laid eyes on. I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am.... could I see your drivers license
and registration please." "...What's a license...???" replied the blonde. Big blue eyes sweetly looking up at him. "Your drivers license is generally in a wallet", replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration?.." asked the cop. "Registration?..... What's that....?" asked the blonde. "It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop patiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "Thank you Ma'am. I'll be back in a minute..." said the cop and walked back to his patrol car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back; "Ummm....is this woman driving a red sports car?" "Yes...." replied the officer. "Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher. "Uh... yes" replied the cop. "Here's what you do...." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants..." "WHAT!!? I can't do that. Its..... inappropriate..." exclaimed the cop. "Trust me..... just do it...." said the dispatcher. So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs..."Ohh no... not ANOTHER breathalyzer..."
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 4 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
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Breathe
A blonde walks into a hair dresser with a walkman on. She tells the guy to cut whatever he wants just as long as he cuts around the headphones. So the guy says cool until he runs into a problem, he says "Ms.?" "Ms.?" Finally he just takes them off and the blonde drops dead!!
He puts the headphones on and he hears "BREATHE IN.....BREATHE OUT.....BREATHE IN.....BREATHE OUT."
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 5 Rating: 4.67 Votes: 3) Rate It
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Broken Finger
A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches each part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!" The doctor asks, "Were you ever a Blonde?"
"Yes, I was." she replies. "Why do you ask?"
The doctor answers, "because your finger is broken!"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 2.40 Votes: 5) Rate It
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Burning Barn
This blonde calls this rural fire dept. all excited she says come quick my barns on fire, my barn's on fire.
The dispatcher says calm down now just tell us how to get there.
She says " oh, Don't you have that big red truck anymore?"
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 4 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
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Bus Blondes
Two blondes were waiting for their buses. One of them was waiting for the bus number one and the other one for the bus number seven. In the meantime, the bus number seventeen came. One of them exclaimed: "Oh, great! Now we can go together!"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 4 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Busted Blonde
Three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde worked together at an office. Every day they noticed that their boss, Ms. Taylor, left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that when their boss left, they would all leave early too. The next day, when their boss left, they did too. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick workout before her dinner date. The Blonde went home, walked into her bedroom, and saw her husband in bed with her boss. So she shut the door and left. The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head talked about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again. "No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 4 Rating: 3.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
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Call Mom
A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland.
When the man tells her it will be $300 She exclaims.."I don't have any money.. but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland !!!!"
To that the man asks "Anything"65 And the blonde says "yes.. Anything"!!
With that, the man says "Follow me"..He walks into the next room and tells her "Come in and close the door"..She does!!
He then says "Get on your knees"..She does!!.. He then says take down my zipper"..She does!!... He then says "Go ahead... Take it out". With that, she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands!! The man then says "Well.. Go ahead"!!...She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips..She says "HELLO, MOM"6565
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 5 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
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Canoeing
This one blonde is driving down the street and she sees this other blonde a canoe in a corn field. The blonde in the car jumps out and yells at the blonde in the canoe.
She says "What the hell are you doing? It's blondes like you that make us blondes look stupid. If I knew how to swim I'd come over there and kick your ass!"
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 4 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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