-
88, 89...
pop
There was a brunette standing along side a busy road chanting "88, 88, 88, 88..." until a blonde came up to her and said, "that looks like fun, can I try?" The brunette said sure so the blonde chanted, "88, 88, 88, 88.." "Well," said the brunette, "that is fun. But what is even more fun is if you say it in the middle of the street" So the blonde said "OK" and stood in the middle of the street. "88, 88, 88, 88-" BAM! she was run over by a car, completely flattened. Along the side of the road, the brunette began to chant, "89, 89, 89, 89...
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 9 Rating: 3.60 Votes: 5) Rate It
Review It -
3 Blonde Shorties!
A blonde says to a brunette, ''Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.''
The brunette says, ''Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.''
------------------
A blonde was having sharp pains in her side.
The doctor examined her and said, ''You have acute appendicitis.''
The blond yelled at the doctor...
''I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!!''
------------------
A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop.
The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun.
So he told her all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.
After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.
"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."
"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 2.67 Votes: 9) Rate It
Review It -
Blonde and her job interview...
A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office.
The interviewer starts with the basics.
"So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh... 22!"
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.
"And can you tell us your height, please?"
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!"
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup.
"Just to confirm for our records, your name please?"
The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "MANDY!"
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks -
"What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?"
"Ohhhh, that!" replies the airhead...
" I was just running through that song -
'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...'
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 3.07 Votes: 14) Rate It
Review It -
Blonde Pearls
What did the blonde say when he opened the box of Cheerios?
Doughnut seeds!
Why did the blonde tip toe past the medicine cabinet ?
So she wouldn't wake up the Sleeping Pills
How can you tell a blonde is having a bad day?
When her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil!
How did the blonde hurt herself raking the lawn?
She fell out of the tree!
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 7 Rating: 3.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
Review It -
Blondes
A blonde and a brunette are taking a walk, and the burnette goes, "Oh look, a dead bird," and the blonde looks up at the sky and goes, "Where?"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 7 Rating: 1.86 Votes: 7) Rate It
Review It -
Cartwheeling Blondes
What goes blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette?
A blonde doing cartwheels!
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 4 Rating: 4.00 Votes: 4) Rate It
Review It -
51 Days
A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"
Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows."51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?" The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we
decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 8 Rating: 2.75 Votes: 8) Rate It
Review It -
A blonde and her red head husband
One night a blonde goes to a bar, but doesn't drink. Then she walks up to a man and asks him where she lives. The man says I doen't know.
Then she walks into her husband and asks if he will take her home? He's says ok. Their home and they walk in and the blonde says why are you in my house? Her husband says why did you leave the house?
The blonde asks why couldn't I leave?
Husband says because we were suposed to do it. She asks why were we suposed to do it? Because I'm your husband.
The blonde says no your not my husbands a red head.
Husband:?????????????????????????????????
(Added: Sun Dec 22 2002 Hits: 7 Rating: 1.69 Votes: 23) Rate It
Review It -
A Blonde At A Bar
A blonde was sitting down in a bar one day next to a red-head. Both of them were sitting there having a good time and then the news turned on.
The woman reporter shouted out "This just in! A man is at the edge of a cliff attempting to jump!". Then the red-head leans over to the blonde and whispers, "I bet you $50 that the man's gonna jump!" The blonde responds back "That's a bet you have there!".
So, both of the woman stared at the news waiting to know whats gonna happen. Then, the man jumps! The blonde turns around to the red-head and hands her the $50. The red-head feeling guilty said "I cant take that there money. I saw the news earlier this mornin', i knew he was gonna jump off that there cliff."
And the blonde says "Well, i did too! But i never would have thought that the man would do it again!"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 7 Rating: 4.00 Votes: 8) Rate It
Review It -
A Blonde Question.
Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman."
She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.
The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.
"Well," he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?"
"I just want to know why you can't ring the bell for yourself?"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 4 Rating: 2.29 Votes: 7) Rate It
Review It -
A Blonde Visit to D.C.
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions -
"Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"
The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and,
sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now...
The 45th bus just went by!"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 3.00 Votes: 3) Rate It
Review It -
A Blonde's Dream
One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 3.14 Votes: 7) Rate It
Review It -
Again
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.
The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump.
"The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.
The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then."
"No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 7 Rating: 3.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
Review It -
air
Q"What do you get if one blonde blows into another blondes ear?"
A"data transfer!"
(Added: Mon Dec 30 2002 Hits: 7 Rating: 2.50 Votes: 2) Rate It
Review It -
Artificial Intelligence
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
A: Artificial Intelligence!
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 1.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
Review It -
At Night
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 2.83 Votes: 6) Rate It
Review It -
BAAAAH!
Once there was this brunette who was driving her corvette with the wind in her hair.
She looked and she saw a farmer with a flock of sheep so she drove over and asked the farmer "if I can guess how many sheep in you're flock will you give me a sheep."
The farmer says "OK".
The brunette says "485".
The farmer says "that's right but if I can guess you're natural hair color can I have my sheep back".
the brunette says "OK".
The farmer says "blonde".
The brunette says how did you know.
The farmer says you just picked the dog.
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 6 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
Review It -
Ball-Type
A blonde goes to the drug store to buy her husband some toiletries. A clerk comes up to help her and asks if she needs assistance.
"I'm looking for some deodorant for my new husband Jon, but I don't know what type he uses."
The clerk says, "Is it the ball type?"
"No," says Judi, it's for his underarms."
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 7 Rating: 2.75 Votes: 4) Rate It
Review It -
Barber Shop
A blonde walks into a barber shop one day and asks the man if she can get her hair cut. The man says "Well ma'am, I can't cut your hair with those head-phones on. You're going to have to take them off."
She shakes her head vigorously and replies "No, if I take them off, I will die." He put his hands on his hips and ripped them off of her head. She fell to the floor and died. He was extremely surprised and picked up the head-phones.
All he heard was "Breathe in, breathe out, breath in."
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 8 Rating: 3.67 Votes: 6) Rate It
Review It -
Bear Tracks
Two blondes are walking in the forest.
One looks down and says, "Look, deer tracks".
The other blonde looks down and says, "Those aren't deer tracks, those are bear tracks".
Half an hour later they were still arguing, when the train hit them.
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 8 Rating: 2.56 Votes: 9) Rate It
Review It -
Bird Killer
Q: How did the blonde try to kill her bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 8 Rating: 4.75 Votes: 4) Rate It
Review It -
BLOND
There was some people an a plane and they threw a appl, and orange, and a bomb out the window. When they landed they decided to go on a walk and there was a boy cyring and they asked why are you crying and he said a apple came out of the sky and hurt my dog, so they went on and saw this girl crying and they asked why are you cryin and the girl said a orange came out of the sky and hurt my cat so they went on and saw a blond laughing and they said whats so funny and she said i farted and the building behind me blew up!!!
(Added: Mon Jan 06 2003 Hits: 8 Rating: 3.33 Votes: 3) Rate It
Review It -
Blonde
Did you hear about the blonde that got fired from the M&M factory? She threw away all the w's
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 7 Rating: 3.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
Review It -
Blonde and Officer
One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window.
The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.
"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'me.... could I see your drivers license...?"
"...What's a license...???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
"It's usually in your wallet..." replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration..." asked the cop.
"Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde. "It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute..." said the cop and walked back to his car.
The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back;
"Ummm.... is this woman driving a red sports car?" "Yes...." replied the officer "Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher "Uh... yes" replied the cop.
"Here's what you do...." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants..."
"WHAT!!? I can't do that. Its..... inappropriate..." exclaimed the cop.
"Trust me..... just do it...." said the dispatcher.
So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs..... "Ohh no... not ANOTHER breathalyzer......"
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 9 Rating: 4.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
Review It -
Blonde AND Polish!
A Sailor is sitting at a bar one night and is chatting it up with a beautiful blonde. After some drinks she starts to cry and tell him the sad story that she is Polish and misses home terribly but can't afford to buy a ticket to go home.
The sailor tells her his profession and makes a deal with her.
"I'll hide you away on my ship on one condition.
You have to have sex with me when I ask."
She hugs him, crys and agrees. So late that night they sneak on to his ship and he hides her in a big life boat with a canvas cover. He tells her he'll bring her food and water and she'll just have to stay hidden because she'll be in big trouble if she's caught.
So for the next three weeks he brings her rations every day and sleeps with her every night.
Finally one day the captain is strolling on deck, sees something suspicious and lifts the cover discovering the girl. He yells "STOWAWAY!"
Scared she explains: "Dont be mad at me sir. One of your sailors stowed me away to take me home to Poland, and is having sex with me for payment!"
"No kidding? Lady... this is the Staten Island Ferry!"
(Added: Fri Dec 13 2002 Hits: 5 Rating: 1.00 Votes: 2) Rate It
Review It
|
