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Three ducks arrive
Three ducks arrive at the Police station. In deciding why they're here, a police officer goes up to the first duck and says ''What's your name??'' The duck replies ''Quack''. The police officer then asks ''And why are you here ??'' The duck says ''For blowing bubbles in the pond.'' ''Blowing bubbles in the pond!! That's illegal!! That's a $50.00 fine!!'' The duck agrees to pay the fine.
The police officer goes up to the second duck and says ''What's your name??'' The duck replies ''Quack Quack''. The police officer then asks ''And why are you here??'' The duck says ''For blowing bubbles in the pond.'' ''Blowing bubbles in the pond!! That's illegal!! That's a $50.00 fine!!'' The duck agrees to pay the fine.
The police officer goes up to the third duck and says ''And your name must be Quack Quack Quack.'' And the duck replies ''No, it's Bubbles.''
(Added: Thu Dec 12 2002 Hits: 9 Rating: 5.00 Votes: 1) Rate It
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Three Turtles
Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. So, Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is, 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped .Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and says,'Alright, Steve, gimme the bottle opener.
"I didn't bring the bottle opener,' Steve says. 'I thought you packed it.' Joe gets worried.
He turns to Poncho. 'Poncho, do you have the bottle opener?'
Naturally, Poncho doesn't have it, so the turtles are stuck ten miles away from home without soda. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back. Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go ,swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food.
So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steadily. Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless.
'I NEED FOOD!' he says with a hint of dementia in his voice. 'NO!' Joe retorts. 'We promised.' Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid ,get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat.
But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a rock, and says, "Just for that, I'm not going."
(Added: Wed Jan 29 2003 Hits: 12 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Tough Mice
Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."
The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both, slams each glass into the bar, turns to the first mouse, and replies: "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.
The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and fuck the cat."
(Added: Wed Jan 29 2003 Hits: 11 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Trying To Fly
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree.
After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
(Added: Thu Dec 12 2002 Hits: 15 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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What sounds do Porkey..
What sounds do Porkey Pines make when they are kissing ? OUCH !!!!!!
(Added: Thu Dec 12 2002 Hits: 8 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Whose Dog
A highly timid little man ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"
A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"
"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."
"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?"
"Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy."
"Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?"
"It appears that your dog choked on her, sir"
(Added: Wed Jan 29 2003 Hits: 14 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Why did the walrus
Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party?
He was looking for a tight seal.
(Added: Thu Dec 12 2002 Hits: 9 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Why did the walrus go to
Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party?
He was looking for a tight seal.
(Added: Thu Dec 12 2002 Hits: 13 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Why God Created Animals
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"
Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here & it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."
And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever & who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are & will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam & he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."
And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam & was a companion to him & loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content & wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord & said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but perhaps too well."
And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever & who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not always worthy of adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.
And God was pleased.
And Adam was greatly improved.
And Dog was happy.
And the Cat didn't give a hoot one way or the other.
(Added: Sat Feb 01 2003 Hits: 9 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Why is a sperm whale called
Why is a sperm whale called a sperm whale?
Because a ''seaman'' discovered it.
(Added: Thu Dec 12 2002 Hits: 8 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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Why is cinderella bad at football?
Q Why is cinderella bad at football?
A Because she has a pumkin as a coach.
(Added: Thu Dec 12 2002 Hits: 10 Rating: 0.00 Votes: 0) Rate It
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